Third night of sleeping badly this week. There should be a law against this! Instead of laying there in warm silence, I’m making better use of my time at the moment. Seems like the only benefit of insomnia is the ability to have more waking hours, but then again, more is not always better. Especially when it makes you damn tired during the day.
When I was able to sleep this week, I had a few nightmares. Perhaps the most disturbing involved a friend whom I haven’t communicated with in quite some time. Despite my frequent neglect at keeping in touch, its difficult for me to let go of relationships. I celebrate when friendships evolve to greater closeness, deeper connection, but I have a hard time accepting when things go the other direction. Maybe its an only-child thing. Yes, some people are not meant to be in my life for long, but who says I have to like it?
My mom is a purebred social animal, so naturally, she always has had many friends. People are attracted to her– she is beautiful, charming, and best of all, that radiance tends to rub off. Just to be around her gives anyone a glow. I’ve always had more introverted tendencies than she, but I value what I learned from her about friendship. She guided me through relationship snags, helped me be a sympathetic and thoughtful companion, modeled supportive and loving behavior. I have made plenty of mistakes along the way, but today, I too have many friends. These relationships have provided the soil for lifechanging experiences, soul-searching conundrums. And happiness.
My reward for seeing tons of patients this week on way less sleep than I normally require is of the very best kind. My best friend since Jr. High and her husband, who has been my friend for nearly as long as she, are coming to visit. My life would have been very different without this particular individual in it; we have one of those relationships that grew so closely for so many years, you couldn’t untangle the branches even if you wanted to. I’m not sure what our weekend will turn out like, but I’m sure we will have deep belly laughs while reliving embarrassing moments from high school. I can’t wait!