back in the everyday

Everyday life… I’m back to it: working a busy job, tending to the chickens, and padding around the kitchen in my spare time.  My hubby and I spent Saturday night at a football game with friends.  Things are quiet, after the rollercoaster that was August.  

In a vacum of the ordinary, I don’t feel like I have much to say.

But underneath it all, I am holding my breath.   Waiting for a crisis, I guess, which is no way to live.  This was my first weekend away from my mom in over a month, and its been a wonderful refuge, this time back in my normal life. But anxiety is seeping in.

In the past,  I tried to cope with fear and uncertainty by making plans, but in a place where we can only make a reasonable guess at what the next few days will look like (and no further into the future than that), plans mean nothing.

Keeping my hands and body moving feels good, though.  So does being outside, in the sunshine.  Its still very warm, hot even, but I smell hints of autumn when the breeze blows just right.

I’m trying to recharge — the next few weeks are essential, with some of the very most important people in both my mom and my own lives making a visit to Arizona.  It will be time of unification, coming together.  My mom’s illness has lead to fractionation- moving to Houston, coming home, splitting up the days with doctors appointments.  Disability paperwork and blood draws and tubes in body parts and more doctors appointments.  I too, feel a sense of being split, going back and forth and always missing the place where I’m not.  So we both are in need of the good medicine of friends and family.

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