There was lots drama over the past week, and I wish I had blogged more of the updates, but here we are, November 22nd. There is a more detailed summary on my mom’s blog, but in short, my mom is now home with hospice support. She is doing beautifully, and I believe that she chose well by declining further medical interventions. We have been busy, but I am coping, in part through grasping my head around the symbols and the meaning of this journey.
My mom’s lymphoma has been growing most markedly deep in her pelvis, at the place where Eastern practitioners would call the root chakra. This is the energy center which grounds us, provides security and our connection to the earth, to our bodies, and with others. So in this vital recess, her cancer is thriving, a huge mass of millions of cells which don’t respond to the normal cues of the body to stop divinding and die off. Despite all the best efforts of her immune system, biologic drugs and chemotherapy, these rogue B cells live on and keep growing. So, what is cancer? To answer the question from an aesthetic or spiritual perspective, it is ageless, timeless growth. It is a glimpse of the eternal– even if it happens to be killing my mother.
I can’t speak to the direct experience of living with a cancer that has not responded well to any treatment, and has now smothered all the organs in the lower abdomen. Mom might not agree that her root chakra is strengthed by her lymphoma– heck, root chakras may not exist at all. But this cancer has grounded us as a family, and it has reinforced, renewed, and strengthened the many connections she has fostered throughout her life. Long lost friends, far-away family members, workplace aquaintences and nearby neighbors have showered us with support and prayers. It may not be due to the cellular growth in her root chakra, but I can say confidently my mom’s network is stronger than ever.
One of the gifts of cancer is you can often see the end coming, and it gives us some time to express our love and appreciation for this very special woman. Its been a true joy to hear and read all the stories of how my mom has touched so many lives during the last 58 years.
I feel love. I feel peace.
I feel loss and sadness, but I feel also feel connection.
I think Mom does, too.