sustained by love

My mom’s spirit took flight on December 13th, 2011 at 4:12pm.  Just yesterday.

We spent a lot of time together on December 13th. I was with her most of the morning, bathing her, repositioning her.  I dressed her in a pink nightgown, and changed her bed with fresh, pink sheets.  After a difficult night, she was finally very calm, and entirely still. That afternoon, I was listening to Sarah Brightman’s album “Time to Say Goodbye” on repeat while I journaled, took a nap, and listened to her breathing, and to the gentle rain outside my mom’s bedroom window.  Mom’s breathing was steady, but her nails were starting to turn blue. We were getting close, but I thought we had more time, more hours, maybe a day or two.

My friend Kathy surprised us with a visit a bit after 3pm. Seeing her suddenly appear in the kitchen in Sun City filled my heart with joy. She helped me reposition Mom again, and we took a break, eating peach lavender bread she brought from a bakery in Tucson.  It felt good, sitting in the living room with my family and dear friend.

Then, John called me into the bedroom.  There was urgency in his voice. Mom took two more gasping breaths.  I felt her pulse under my fingertips flutter like butterfly wings, then fade away.


A dear friend of mine passed away while we were in high school.  Her family were of a spiritual/philosophical persuasion that teaches the soul leaves the body slowly, over three days.  But it seems to happen more quickly in my experience. With my mom, I saw a green glow in the corner of the bedroom about 30 minutes after she died.  Reflection of an unseen surface, or mom’s spirit?  I know what I’d like to believe.   

Even though I saw the bus heading towards me for the last number of months, I still feel the full force of the impact.  Everything is altered; the world looks familiar and yet entirely different.  This is the first day of my life without my center of gravity, and I’m wobbling on the inside.

Last night, I dreamed I visited a Tarot reader with a group of people from work.  My companions all drew animal medicine cards, and my card was simple, with a large pink heart in the middle.  I asked, what is this?  I don’t understand.  The Tarot reader responded: this is Pure Love, Divine Love.  You are full of love and it surrounds you. This is your situation.

Yes, I think its true. Love is surrounding me and sustaining me in this time of grief. Love from friends, family… and Mom. 




7 thoughts on “sustained by love

  1. Betzabe

    sometimes I close my eyes and feel my mom touching my hair and helping me fall asleep when I have had a rough day. She passed away 30 years ago from breast cancer, I still feel her light next to me. she will always be with you!!!! Love Bee

  2. LeVine Olson

    Katy & Family, It was with heavy hearts when we got the phone call, even, tho. we knew when leaving AZ. the last Sun. with Janelle that it would not be long for her passing. We have so many happy memories of all our wondertfull times together over the the years.We love her & will miss her. May you restin peace ,Our dearest.niece Janelle. Have to tell you that as I write this , the tears are running down our faces for all of you..
    From your Uncle LeVine & Auntie Patsy.

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